MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base – The Onion (satire)

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base. “Today we honor the countless, brave ballplayers who got on base but never made it to home,” said commissioner Rob Manfred, who was joined by the tearful wives and children of the stranded baserunners during a somber ceremony that concluded with the reveal of the bronze statue of a player holding his hips on second base. “May we never forgot those who legged out a double or stole second base only to be stranded in scoring position, as well as the poor, desperate souls who spent an entire inning on third waiting for an RBI that never came. Their teams are forever indebted to the sacrifices they made along the base path, and with this statue, we will always remember that these men are more than just an item in the box score.” According to MLB sources, players also will begin wearing a black patch this season to honor those baserunners who were caught and never made it out of a pickle.

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