NCAA tournament: Report retracted about Stanford band smuggling alcohol in … – Washington Post (blog)

View Photo Gallery —Highlights from every game of the 2014 NCAA tournament.

UPDATE: Okay, so maybe not. The original post, which now holds no merit in practice but is still rather brilliant in theory, is below.

Scottrade Security guys do a U-Turn. Stanford band members did NOT bring alcohol into NCAA game. All clear.

— rickbozich (@rickbozich) March 23, 2014

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As halftime wound down in the second-round game between Stanford and Kansas, some truly amazing news broke out of St. Louis. Members of the Stanford band — formally called the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band — have been allegedly busted for turning their tuba bells into liquor cabinets.

Interesting tidbit from Scottrade Center security: Had an issue with Stanford band members sneaking booze in with their tubas.

— rickbozich (@rickbozich) March 23, 2014

In high school band class, we used tubas as basketball hoops, so it only seems natural that college kids created a more adult-oriented function for the instruments. The bells are huge — it’s the biggest brass instrument — and deep, so unless something gets lodged in the winding maze of pipes, retrieval takes little more than flipping the instrument over and watching everything fall out. Besides, the Stanford tuba section — called Tööbz, because why not throw umlauts into the conversation — bills itself thusly:

In an act of self-definition, the Tööbz are: -Without a doubt, the funkiest sexion, home to such famous shattering bass lines as “I Wish” and “Tear the Roof Off” -The proudest and most prolific consumers of bacon -The only sexion where said paint job can enrage USC fans to the point of throwing food at you -The sexion that roucks out the hardest and most dramatically -The sexion that is most likely to lead the Band in adopting dubstep as a model for how to sound -Still, always, the best

So…it’s not surprising.

Stanford band attempting to smuggle hooch is not shocking. This is that band (via USATSI) pic.twitter.com/muTqJ5AMgo — Matt Norlander (@MattNorlander) March 23, 2014

stanford band get turnt https://t.co/Uk6p5bYwXB

— martin rickman (@martinrickman) March 23, 2014

More NCAA tournament news

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Hands-off approach for Memphis coach

Feinstein: Plenty to build on for GW after loss

Dayton stuns Syracuse, 55-53

Spartans hold off Harvard, 80-73

Gators, a No. 1 seed, roll past Pittsburgh

Michigan handles Texas with three-pointers

NCAA tournament basketball schedule

Bog: When D.C. public television showed college basketball

NCAA tournament bracket and historical database

Play The Bracket Challenge round-by-round

Photos: The best of the tournament | 68 teams, 68 facts

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